I wake up every morning and smile, just seeing your little face is the best gift a mother could ask for. Waking up every few hours in the night and having you sleep all day is a challenging but yet a great experience.If only the journey up until this point was as great.
I’ll never forget the day I found out I was pregnant, I was shocked. There was no words that could fill my mind or my mouth to explain how I felt. I was told you wouldn’t have a dad for 16 yrs and to get rid of you. I was very undecided about my situation. I thought about getting rid of you, I even tried to but it was God’s will that you be born. I went through the motions about what I wanted to do. I finally made up in my mind that you we’re my child. I had doctors tell me that there could possibly be something wrong with your brain. Knowing that you could Possibly be born unhealthy was a lot for me to deal with. Even though I had people to talk to, I felt like I was alone.There were times when I didn’t feel like living anymore. I didn’t know if I could deal with the fact of having a baby with possible brain damage by myself. The thought of adoption had crossed my mind but I wasn’t sure if that’s what I wanted. Deep down something in me just wouldn’t feel right giving you up. Rubbing my stomach, feeling you move inside me was weird and seeing your foot roll across the top of my stomach was just as weird but I wouldn’t have changed those weird feelings for anything in the world. I’ll never forget the day I found out that you were a girl. Oh my gosh I was so happy. I had come up with your name and picked out the colors that I had wanted you to wear. :) Despite being a single parent to a baby girl that may be born unhealthy was very overwhelming at times. It was days I would wonder about where the next dollar was going to come from, if I would even have help with you, just different thoughts and questions would come to my head daily. I kept you a secret from the world for a while. There was only a few people that knew, it was only because I’m a very private person who doesn’t want everyone knowing my business. Once people found out aboutyou it’s like you we’re loved instantly. I found out that your dad had lied to me and that he just didn’t want you it really hurt my feelings, but that made my love for you as your mother even stronger. I knew I couldn’t give you everything but I knew I could give you what you needed. I knew I could give you love, support, a warm heart that would love you no matter what and accept you for whatever the doctors thought would be wrong with you. I just knew I couldn’t give up on you. With the help of God,some friends and growing up, I knew I could do it. Getting pregnant with you was unexpected but a great thing that happened to me. I got closer to God and started to figure out who I was. I’ll never forget the day it was July 18th 2012 I started having contractions. On July 19th you made your way into the world at 3:40pm weighing 6lbs 14oz 20in. You changed my life completely. It was for the best, I’m going to do my job as your mother to take care of you the best I can, provide for you the best way possible and just love you unconditionally. Thank you Aria for entering into my life and allowing me to love you.